Rant #1 of 1,294,364.7623

OK....I'm really sick of politicians talking about how we need to "work on the electric car". Kiss my ass. Go to hell. We had electric cars 10 YEARS AGO. I remember them. If you don't, watch the movie "Who Killed the Electric Car".

lived in Monterey at the time and one morning, in our parking lot (the apartment complex I lived in also rented out units for weekends, it was fancy) was a huge truck with three electric cars in them. They were travelling around and showing them off. People had these cars, GM leased them (I think it was done under the Saturn brand). People loved them. And the rat bastards got rid of them. Took them all back when the leases ran out, drove them to the desert and crushed them. There were no problems, no recall issues, nada. They were taken away from people who BEGGED to keep them, offering to pay well over the listed value of the car, just to hold on to them. But no. Piss on that. They took them away and crushed them.

So every politician, CEO, reporter, etc that wants to stand on stage and tell us how we can gain our independence from foreign oil by WORKING on DEVELOPING electric cars can lick rotten rat ass. We had them. They worked 10 god damned years ago. Tell me that they wouldn't have been even more efficient by now. Everyone wringing their hands about oil prices and supply shortages needs to rewind their asses back about 10 years and look at where they were then. People knew this day was coming, and instead of being forward thinking, somewhat aware people, we buried our heads in the sand, wrapped ourselves in our Abercrombie catalogs, doused our souls with Venti nonfat Lattes and produced as many gas sucking SUVs as we could convince the world that they would be helpless without.

In short, we had the answer a decade ago. And we crushed it. The next politician that talks about "Developing Electric Cars" needs to be sodomized with one of these:

Useless Advice Mondays: Moving On Up (Technically Down) Edition

At the end of this month, we pack up the covered wagon and go south to North Carolina to settle in to our new homestead. Since it's coming at us with an unrelenting vengence, I thought I'd share some of the things that I've learned:

1. You're not going to pack ahead of time. Stop lying to yourself. I know that a month ago you were thinking, "We'll start packing early, get everything ready to go, moving will be a breeze." Bullshit. You know damn well that you're going to shove 85% of everything that you own into boxes labelled "Misc". It is inevitable. You'll get to the new place and have 632 boxes labelled "misc" and will be absolutely desperate to find the one with the can opener. This is the moment that the gods laugh at you.

2. They have the same shit there. Trust me. It might have a dumb-ass name, but it's there. When you do a Google map search and are dismayed that there is no "Marathon" gas station, don't worry, they'll have "Triathlon" gas stations that are equally willing to cut out your pancreas in exchange for three gallons of gas and a bottle of water.

3. Buying a house is a nutroll. This is intentional. They string the process out and make things ureasonably difficult so that, when closing time comes, you're willing to give them a check for any insane amount of money and your firstborn just to make the whole thing come to an end. This also reminds me that I need to start up a mortgage brokerage. Any occupation where you can charge someone $400 to apply for some shit is sweet.

4. Regardless of how well you plan, your shit will not fit in the truck that you rented. This is just a fact of life. Truck rental companies advertise that the truck will hold at least one more room than it actually will. This is because these companies are headed by ruthless bridge trolls who thrive on misery and self defeat.

5. When you finish the move, don't bitch about how much of a pain in the ass it was. Nobody wants to hear it. The all know it's a pain in the ass. That's why they stopped talking to you about it 2 weeks before. They didn't want your cheap ass to try and sucker them into helping.