Aboard this tiny ship.....my ass!

WARNING: If you live with me, please do not read this post, it will only annoy you.

I have a problem today, and that problem is Gilligan's Island. I don't know why, but on my drive home last night, I got to thinking about yet another thing that bothered me about this show. Since most of you are not familiar with the many things Gilliganian that disturb me, I shall fill you in:

• It was a three hour tour, a three hour tour. Why the HELL did they have luggage? Who brings luggage on a three hour tour? You know who? Homeless people, escaped convicts, drug traffickers (although the "luggage" may be something else entirely) and people trying to disappear. If I'm getting on a boat for a three hour tour and I see other passengers boarding with luggage, I'm getting the hell off of that boat.


• They were stuck on that island for three seasons (actually considerably longer if you count the rescue episodes, but we won't go there). In those three seasons, the Professor wore the same thing every episode (as did the Skipper and Gilligan, who clearly were not in on the drug trafficking trade that the other four were). The professor wore a white button up shirt. A white one. It was always white. I can't keep a white shirt clean for more than 37 minutes and this dude kept his white shirt clean, after having shipwrecked on an island, for 3 years.


• How many people showed up on that "uncharted" isle? You have to think that if that many people showed up, it would eventually fall into the "charted" category. In one episode, the military is testing rockets by firing them at the island. That seems pretty fucking charted.


• Numerous things wash ashore. They use these items when possible. One of which was a case of plastic explosives. They used this to make golf balls, plates and even use it as a filling for one of Gilligan's teeth. There are several things wrong here. First, you'd think that someone (*cough* Professor) would have noticed what this was, I mean the dude's identifying insect species native to the island. They figure out that the stuff is exlosive when it dries. OK...wait. First off.....do you really want someone filling your teeth with some random substance that washed up on shore? Next, what made you think that this stuff would be suitable for golf balls and plates? Third, why did the plate make such a small explosion compared to the golf ball? Fourth, if I were Gilligan, I'd be a little more pissed about someone putting explosives in my head.


• They built huts, tables, chairs, a bike, washing machines, hell even a car out of bamboo but couldn't make a god damned raft? Jesus christ people. I can make a damn raft.


• I realize it was the 60's, but how many Mad Scientists can there be??? On a few occasions, they were vistied by mad scientists. WTF???


• It took 14 episodes for them to realize that they didn't have drinking water.


• Tell me Howell wasn't a child molester. I dare you.


• A space capsule splashed down in the lagoon. I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm only fucking guessing that NASA keeps track of those things. I seem to recall the thing splashing down in real life and there being a damn armada waiting for it. Instead, they just remotely blew it up. Really? That's the way they roll? The same can be said for the Jet Pack that showed up there, the experimental Air Force robot, the satellite that's supposed to be heading to mars, etc.


• What kind of batteries were in that damn radio?!?!?!


• Since when are Gorillas on remote Pacific Islands?


• Given all of the people that kept showing up (and leaving) the island, wouldn't you think that, at some point, somebody would have gone completely batshit on one of them and bludgeoned them with a stick? If I've been on an island for a year, and someone shows up with a boat, no amount of talking is going to stop me from caving in their skull with the first inanimate object I can find.


• The island is hit by a meteor, several hurricanes, even a damn tsunami. These assholes built huts that can withstand all of this crap.....people in Sacramento can't build houses that survive the wind.

I could keep going, but I'll just stop here. End Gilligan rant. I should also point out that I obviously watched this show way too many times.