Since I am (once again) on the road, and since my latest airline experience was legendary, I figured I'd include som travel notes for those who do not fly all that often.
- You smell bad. I don't care what perfume it is, what deoderant, colone, etc. If I have to sit next to you for 4 hours in a coke can with rockets and wings, please...pretty please, use some restraint when you slather yourself in Stetson. I can't escape. When I get off the plane, I'm going to call somebody to bitch about how I had to sit next to someone that smelled like the were covered in a Diamonds by Liz Taylor placenta.
- Bullshit, you knew that bag was too big to carry on. Don't act all shocked now when you can't get it in the overhead. Don't complain about how they're made the bins smaller. I've driven cars smaller than that bag. When you get on the plane with your cello, do not act like you're being singled out when they make you check it.
- If you require 8 bins to put all of your crap in at the security checkpoint, you brought too much shit. Downsize. You're getting on a 1.5 hour flight. I know this because you sat right next to me (see #1). Do you really need 4 books, 2 blankets, a pillow, a floatie, 3 garden gnomes, a leafblower and an Irish Setter for a 1.5 hour flight?
- Yeah I know, it sucks that we're delayed again. Listing to your dumb ass sigh as loudly as possible every time the flight attendant walks by isn't helping. I've done the math, I could choke you and shove a rolled up copy of SkyMall down your throat before anybody even got close to stopping me. Don't think I won't do it; I read this edition of SkyMall two weeks ago, I have no need for it today.
- Crawling half way up my ass at baggage claim is not going to make your suitcase show up any faster. Take a step back Michael Jackson, give me some breathing room. You must be the same guy who was actually standing less than an inch behind me in the security line. You pissed me off then too.
- Yeah, I am watching Borat as a matter a fact. Yes, it was funny as hell. Suprising, I found it more funny when I didn't have someone interrupting me to ask me if I'm watching Borat. If you identified it as being possibly Borat based on the scene where two naked guys are wrestling on a bed with their faces in the other's junk, you know what movie it is you sick bastard.
- Wow! Really?!?!? You have an iPod too???? And you can't live without it?!?!?!? Who would ever guess that TWO people with iPods would end up sitting next to each other on a plane. Sonofabitch!!! Next thing you know, everyone will have those mobile phones!!
3 comments:
Awesome! Where do I begin? Yes, nothing worse than people who marinate in cologne/perfume. Vomit.
The people with too many bags? People who think they are way important.
And so and and so on all the way down to the end. Classic Flapjacks!
I will sum up my comment in two words, "people suck". Thank you.
I might have added something about very large people. It's a free country and they can choose a lifestyle that leaves them unable to fit in a coach plane seat.
But I object to being relegated to 75% of an already tiny airplane seat because of my neighbor's encroaching body mass. This has nothing to do with size prejudice and everything to do with being an unwilling participant in frottage with a total stranger.
See also: dickheads who hog the communal arm rest.
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