Useless Advice Mondays: Location

If you're thinking about starting your own business, heed the time-tested advise when choosing a storefront: Location, Location, Location! This is especially true if you plan to sell items that the general public might consider to be perverse, crude, or just generally unacceptable by sound moral (lame) standards. These items may include: very revealing latex Catwoman suits, ball gags, exceptionally large "adult playtoys", barbed wire thongs, shirts that have fancy slogans like "Suck my Cheney", or any number of items that display your gayness...or if you want to open a store called "Gay Mart". In these cases, you can't go wrong with opening your store in the nearest gay area of town. There are many of advantages, as I will expand upon below. I speak from experience, as we currently live approximately 3 skips and a smootie from Boystown in Chicago.

Advantage #1: Window Displays

Most other stores are limited to what they can put in their window displays. These limitations are based on what is generally considered acceptable by the general public. In the gay part of town, throw that out the window. You want to have an overweight late-middle aged male mannequin wearing a leather thong in the window? Go for it! Assless chaps? Latex Nurse Outfits? Swing & Chains? Party. Hell, you can sell assless chaps in one store and comic book figurines in the next store....nobody will bat an eye. Want to set up a whole ass-slapping, leather dominatrix/super hero theme in the window? This is your place.

Advantage #2: Store Names

For the most part, stores have names that are pretty lame. "The Gap"......WTF is that? How does that relate to the products they sell? Is that a reference to the Gap between the price paid and the expected quality of goods? Now, in Boystown, they have stores like the automated female companion store named "Batteries Included". Now THAT gives me an idea of what is for sale in there. (Note: The gay part of town isn't limited to men only). Or the afore-mentioned Gay Mart. I've never been in Gay Mart, but in the window they have everything from Wonder Woman action figures, to statuettes of Judy Garland, to Felix the Cat wall clocks, to assorted faux-vintage T-Shirts.......which seems about right.

Advantage #3: Advertising

When your store is located downtown, or in a strip mall, your signs read something like "Holy Cow! Jeans 20% off!!". Or maybe even "Golly Gee we're cool! Shorts $20". Lame. Choose to own and operate your business in the right area and you can have signs like: "Sunglasses - $6 You Cheap Whore!!" or "Cheap-Ass $20 Shoe Sale". Now that's advertising!

So you see, if you want more freedom with your storefront and what you plan to sell, this is the neigborhood for you. Anything goes and everything's accepted. What a Country!