What a Wonderful.....Word?

Last night, Ms. HFJ & I attended our very first Cubs game at Wrigley field. For those that don't know, we've lived approximately 1/4 mile from Wrigley for the past 2.5 years. We have largely regarded it as the bane of our existence since doing ANYTHING around our apartment becomes impossible during a game. But we decided that we should go because we're moving away soon and it seemed pretty ridiculous to have lived that close and never have gone. That being said, it wasn't as bad an experience as I had thought and I actually had a pretty good time. Since I don't care about the Cubs as a team, it didn't matter that they lost.

While there, I noticed a certain sub-group of the female population that all had something in common, and a new word was spawned to describe this sect: The Skank-O-Matic. These ladies basically seemed like they were standing in front of the mirror, just before leaving, and a thought rose up in their mind...

"Damn...I look pretty hot, but just not.....I don't know.....how do I say this.......I just don't look like I could be bought for a half-eaten tuna sandwich and a bag of crack yet. How can I remedy this?"

Insert the Skank-O-Matic. I imagine the Skank-O-Matic to looks somewhat like a Ratchet & Clank gun...for those who have no idea what that means, here's some help:

This device, upon activation, automatically makes the average person looks like they would  gladly perform any required sexual service for the sum of a bag of M&Ms and a bottle of model glue. Some of the ladies in attendance last night took a full on, di-rect blast or 7 from the Skank-O-Matic, where some simply looked as if they only took a glancing blow. 

There were two ways that Mrs. HFJ could tell that a victim of the Skank-O-Matic was approaching:

1. I would nudge her an whisper "Skank-O-Matic"
2. The two middle-aged guys sitting next ter her would begin to comment about the hot chick walking up. The more heated their comments, the more blasts from the Skank-O-Matic.