Skymall is the single greatest product catalog ever. The crap that you find in that thing is absolutely priceless. Next time you fly, check and see if there's a Skymall available for your reading pleasure. If there is, don't pass on this chance to see what kind of senseless shit the retail market thinks you're brain-damaged enough to buy. Here are some of my favorites:
The Stealth Secret Amplifier - Sounds like a bad-ass piece of high-tech machinery doesn't it? Yeah...too bad it's a shitty hearing aid designed to look like a bluetooth headset. The tagline reads "Improve your hearing and enhance your image!" That's right, go from being that guy who's a little hard of hearing to that insufferable prick that always has his god-damned bluetooth headset on. Now, instead of you not being able to hear anyone, nobody will know if you're talking to them! Sweet! Of course what happens when your real cell phone rings and your dumb ass has to take the damn fake bluetooth headset off to talk on your big ass Jitterbug cell phone. Good job shit-for-pants.
The Fold A Weigh Scale - Get it? It's a scale...so it WEIGHS things....but it's portable and folds up for easy transports.....so it folds-a-way......wow. For those people who need to take their Bulemia to new levels, this helpful device let's you know when you shouldn't have eaten that carrot (you fat indulgent bitch) so that you can purge accordingly because, god forbid, you have to spend a day without knowing your exact body weight. Now you can even stand on the sumbitch 27 times a day if you want. One for each devilishly delicious Tic Tac you've eaten.
The Electrolysis Hair Removal Kit - I don't know...there are somethings I don't think you should do yourself at home. Pretty much, anything that involves you sending electrical current through your body makes that list.
The Dummy Surveilance Camera - Perfect for those who want a false sense of security.
2 comments:
I was literally laughing aloud. (not LOLing) with your great commentary on the third product. I agree completely.
The fold a weigh scale might be useful for low flying pilots from Bolivia as well. More room for product in the hold while the scale folds up neatly.
That scale is perfect for people who diet even when on vacation. Freaks....
Post a Comment