Moving is always an adventure, even if you're just moving across the street. Moving to another part of the country is a fiasco unlike any other. Since it's been awhile (due to said move) that I've written everything, I'll try to make up for it with a bunch of unrelated thigs that have been bouncing around in my head.
Bridges ice over before roads. Did you know that? Apparently not because there's a damn sign before EVERY bridge that warns you of this. How much money are we throwing away pointing out this one rule? Here's an idea: add a fucking line to each states driver's manual that informs people of this. Put it in the same section that covers which direction you're supposed to turn your wheels in a skid. Put it on the driver's test. It has to be cheaper to add that 1 sentence to 50 handbooks than it is to put a sign in front of every bridge (in both directions) in the US.
Another sign that I saw that made me laugh was a warning sign for a "Fallen Rock" area. Not falling rock, that's of no concern, but there may be rocks that have fallen in the road. To me, this sign just points out a lack of highway maintenance. They're willing to put up a sign that says there's rocks in the road, but not willing to actually pick up the rocks. Another one along the same lines is the "Bump Ahead" sign. If there's a bump ahead that we have officially identified, remove the damn thing. Don't contract for a sign to let me know it's there.
Why the hell are grocery stores different in many parts of the US? Moving from California to Illinois and then to North Carolina, I've had to relearn grocery stores each time. Everyplace has Blockbuster. It's not like when I moved from California to Illinois I had to determine what the local equivalent was for Sears. Now I have to figure out Food Lion, Harris Teeter, Bi-Lo, and Bloom? WTF? Where is Safeway...um...or Dominick's.....or...ah crap...I give up.
I love it when a business decides to cover two bases at once, even if those bases are totally different. Two examples: A single point of business that is a Car Dealer/Attorney at Law and one that's labelled as "Car Audio and Fashion". In case you're wondering, "Fashion" does mean clothing, it's not some weird term for something car audio related. I also think it's hilarious when two businesses that are right next to each other either REALLY don't go together, or do in a funny way. The dentist next door to the smoker's outlet comes to mind, but my all-time favorite is in Palatine, IL where there is a Bait Shop next door to a Sushi joint. That's priceless, you can't write shit like that.
Sometimes I feel it is my civic duty to let business know when their advertising is just sending mixed signals. Although this is often countered by my desire to see stupid signs, so I usually keep quiet. On my old route from work, there was a little fried fish place. Now, what they were trying to convey was that they made succelent catfish treats. They made these little balls of breaded catfish meat and deep fried them to a golden brown perfection. Delicious wouldn't you say? However the sign in their window was advertising "Deep Fried Cat Balls". I don't want any part of that.
The chance of you hitting the lottery is pretty slim. When you're driving down the road, they try to get you to forget this and play anyway by putting the current jackpot in huge ass letters on a billboard. Yeah, it may be a 1 in 47 million shot, but there's 128 million dollars at stake, why not take a chance? It's only one measly buck you cheap, desperate bastard. Of course, when the sign malfunctions, it can have the opposite effect. On my drive home one day, the sign that was supposed to read "89 Million" read "-9 Million". The last thing I need is to finally hit the lotto when the jackpot is I give them 9 million dollars. Tricky bastards.
Useless Advice: Don't move heavy furniture in flip-flops. I have the blood spot under my toenail to help prove this tip.
Observation: Sometimes, the simplest way to do something is to do nothing. The house we moved into had wood panelling in the living room. We decided that we weren't 79 years old and on a respirator, so we are sheetrocking it instead. Last night, while sanding, my wife said "Isn't there an easier way to cover walls?" My response? "Wood Panelling."
Unlucky Lotto Numbers for today: All of them but 6.
Horoscope: Moon-Jupiter union in Capricorn. Sanctity of marraige is being challenged.
5 comments:
welcome back....
I am always entertained by the points you make and I agree with most all of them.
If there is "fallen rock", chances are that you are obstructed by it already or underneath it. I am sure the sign would help in mocking your dilemma.
As far as the icy bridges go: people in Cleveland, though winter is six months some years, seem to forget this...sign or no sign. I have been at the front end of a couple of near fatal accidents on icy bridges because people do not seem to grasp the whole ice is slick thing.
Well said.
For some reason, the ice on bridges thing stuck in my head-its one of the only things I remember clearly from high school.
Wow, you were all over the place with that and brilliant as usual. I love falling rock signs. Might as well put up a sign that says a meteor may hit you. Either way, you have no chance of moving out of the way.
The dual job buildings that are so strangely related are awesome. Bait and sushi is a good one.
Welcome back.
Cleveland has the easiest grocery store option at the moment. You have three choices, Giant Eagle, Giant Eagle or Giant Eagle. Of course, they have everything like a pharmacy, video rental, carpet cleaning and daycare. I've often wondered if they sell groceries.
Thanks for the horoscope and unlucky numbers.
That's like Tesco in the UK, they sell everything. I'm pretty sure they have an eye doctor, computer lab, tire shop, home insurance, and newborn thai children.
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