Never go Bungie Jumping with Jesus

You know how sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you know things are going to go badly, not because of anything that you're going to do, but because of who you're with? Here's an example: Let's say you've decided to go out with a group of friends and eveything is going fine until the group decides to stop and watch a street performer who's swallowing fire. Most of your friends are mildly interested and this is just a simple distraction for a couple of minutes. Except there's one problem: your friend Bob is there. You are privvy to the fact that Bob is a closet pyro.....your other friends are not.........do you see where this is going? Can you imagine how this would feel?

It's like being stuck watching endless episodes of that MTV reality show where they feature someone with some kind of addiciton and just follow them around for a while while they screw their life up more. It's painful to watch...."Oh look, the crack addict's mom just asked him to go grab something out of her wallet.......oh look...there's a bunch of twenties in it.......oh look, he's pasty and passed out in a truck stop bathroom......again."

So, based on my observations, I have one piece of advice (actually, I think I'm going to do this every time I write on a Monday........."Useless Advice Mondays", I like it): Never go Bungie Jumping with Jesus......or after a really big guy. See if the rope is going to break, it's not going to break when Jesus is jumping....that just wouldn't be cool. I mean it's Jesus.....for Christ's sake. So now, you just increased the chance that it's going to break on you......nice work Jesus. Additionally, if you go Bungie Jumping with a really big guy, make sure you go first, before he has a chance to stress that rope (so never go bungie jumping after me). Actually, I can also say (this is more of a guideline than a steadfast rule, like the previous two) never go Bungie Jumping at Circus-Circus in Las Vegas. I have watched someone do this, and they did live, however the whole experience did not instill confidence. Reasons:

1. It's Circus Circus......I mean really.....does the place scream out Safe Conditions and Well Trained Staff?
2. Below the rope is a small swimming pool.......I think it's supposed to make it seem safer, but I just kept replaying episodes of Looney Tunes where someone falls into an empty pool and compresses themselves into an accordian.
3. When they hooked the guy up, they asked him if he wanted to touch the water or not. He said "Not really". They confirmed his selection. He jumped and went waist deep. The guys running the thing said "Huh....didn't really expect that". The last thing I want, when Bungie Jumping, is for the Unexpected to show up.